We hereby bring to your notice that a Diplomat with a consignment that was to be delivered to your residence has been stopped by us.This is as a result of the United States of America security measure to avert and combat any form of terrorism and money laundry through the sales of illegal drugs locally and internationally.
During our investigation, we found out that the consignment contained the sum of US$3.7 Million which upon further investigation revealed that the fund is your inheritance.
We have done our due diligence and have confirmed that you are legitimate beneficiary of the fund, and it is no threat to National Security.
Consequently, your consignment will be deliver at your residence by the diplomat without delay after all protocols have been duely observed .
During our interogation on why this fund was not tranfer to your bank account, the diplomat revealed that some people want to divert this your inheritance fund, so he decided to act fast by moving the fund through this means. So We hereby advise you to discontinue any further dealings with any other person.
However, before the delivery is made we need you to reconfirm the following information, so that the delivery will be made accurately.
Date of Birth:
We await your response.
Thomas S. Winkowski
Office of Field Operations.
U.S. Customs and Border Protection.
Clearly someone out there (Thomas S. Winkowski, Assistant Commissioner, himself, perhaps) believes me to be a sucker. Don't you love the spelling mistakes, and the grammar faux pas as well?
On the other hand, I wouldn't mind taking a look at that diplomat. A diplomat could come in mighty handy around here. You know, for heavy lifting and whatnot.
(I had a whole different post planned for today, but this was too good to resist.)
(Also, the party was good. Really good, in fact.)